ya_assemble | [psl] Tim and Kon's Excellent Adventure

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red robin,
superboy

[psl] Tim and Kon's Excellent Adventure

Another night, another weirdo criminal causing trouble in Gotham. Right now Condiment King was trying to hold up the Gotham branch of the First National Bank. His condiment guns had definitely been upgraded since Tim last saw him. Now, he could manage a very acidic mustard, vinegar, ketchup, relish, and nutella.

The last one was the one that posed the most risk, given how many people had nut allergies. Which meant of course that he had to be taken down before he plastered someone with it that was allergic.

Kon was a long way from Smallville. In the past, he would've just jumped in and probably wrecked the street or something, but he'd long since learned not to just barrel into a situation until he knew what was going on.

That meant, just for a moment, as Condiment King tried to fight his way away from the bank, that he got to watch Tim work. Which was impressive, as usual.

Still, right now, he didn't know whether to help or just laugh his butt off. To start with, he settled with watching, just to make sure the condiment thing was really the only ace up this guy's sleeve.

You have got to be kidding me...

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It's definitely for the better, because even if Bruce is currently out of town, he'd still find out and be Disapproving at them. Which would not end well for anyone.

Besides, she absolutely does have the Condiment King well in hand. Even if she gets hit with some ketchup, the material of her costume's too resilient for it to be a problem. She glances down at it with a sigh and then towards where she knows Kon is watching. "At least the color blends."

"I swear on the vaunted grave of the test tube I was cloned in, one of these days, I will actually manage to sneak up on you."

Kon jerked his thumb towards Condiment King, idly floating upside down, something he often did when bored.

"So is this guy supposed to actually be a threat or something?"

"Try though you mayo, you still will never ketchup to me in this fight!" Condiment King cried out, squirting vinegar at Kon. "I'll make you vinaigrette ever trying to face me!"

Kon just stared for a moment, as the vinegar hit his teke shield and harmlessly dripped off.

Then he started laughing hysterically. "Never mind, that answered my question."

"He's more of an - irritation. Dangerous mostly if you have food allergies."

She neatly dodges a stream of mustard and knocks his stupid gun out of his hand with a batarang. It's more than past time to finish this fight. She's starting to crave hot dogs.

That's okay, Tim, take your time, Kon's just gonna be over here laughing upside down.

She rolls her eyes. "No, by all means, just keep laughing. My life is, after all, essentially a reality show for your entertainment."

Still, it doesn't take her much longer at all remove the Condiment King from his condiments and get him all nice and zip-tied up for the police. "So what brought you to Gotham?"

"It was either this or cow-tipping and when you can go beyond cow-tipping all the way into putting cows on people's roofs, it loses the appeal. No challenge."

He's bored, Tim. Entertain him with the reality TV show that is your life.

"Nothing is happening at home, and, y'know, I'm still taking a break from the Titans because of the Cassie thing, so I just thought I'd come by. And hang out."

A pause.

"And maybe help you fight some of your weirdo Gotham villains."

Another pause.

"Because I'm bored."

He righted himself but only so he could lounge in the air with his hands behind his head.

"It's pretty much the superhero version of slumming it, but whatever, we'll get to hang out, I'll probably piss Bats off by existing, it'll be fun!"

"I appreciate the description," she says, with sarcasm so heavy he may need his super-strength to lift it. Look, she knows Gotham is a shithole - she grew up here, what Gothamite doesn't get that? - but it's her shithole.

He is so fortunate that he's still riding the thank god you're not dead high. Not that she doesn't still get the occasional urge to kill him herself, it's just not as often and tends to be discarded with great prejudice. "You couldn't just go play fetch with your dog or something?"

"I've played fetch with Krypto like a kajillion times this week. It's gotten to the point where I'm the one begging to play with him instead of vice versa. He's sick of me."

Kon landed on the ground in front of her.

"I'm booored." He put a hand on Tim's shoulder, and with mock seriousness, like a doctor delivering a horrible prognosis, he said, "And it's terminal, Rob. Terminal boredom. The only cure is punching weirdos with my weirdo best friend in his weirdo city."

Then realizing that calling his friend a weirdo and dissing her city in the same sentence probably wasn't as endearing as he initially thought it was, he said, "Don't make me beg. I'll do it. Here, look, I'm doing it."

He let go of Tim's shoulder to clasp his hands together and beg.

"Pleeeaaaase?"

Yes, there was pouting. Please, Tim, save him from his affliction by pointing him at morons to punch.

Edited 2015-07-07 05:32 (UTC)

Although she rolls her eyes, there's a little twitch of a smile in her lips. "Leave the begging to Krypto - he does it better."

(This may or may not be a lie.)

"Tell you what: get me coffee and I'll consider it." ~~Little~~ Widely-known fact: Bats are capable of consuming so much coffee in a single night that experts estimate their blood can be as high as 50% caffeine.

Although in this city, all he really needs to do is pick a corner and wait.

"Sure thing."

Whoosh, away he went in a streak of black and red, and then he was back just like that, with a gust of wind heralding his arrival, coffee in hand. Naturally, he'd just gone behind the counter of the Starbucks and poured it himself at superspeed and just left money on the counter.

Apparently, someone was eager for some butt kicking with his best buddy.

Kon looked down at it.

"What did you want in it anyway? Do you want it black like your soul, or what?"

Edited 2015-07-08 01:11 (UTC)

"Like my men," she deadpans. "Inadvisably hot and without unnecessary artificial additives."

And holds out her hand. Give it over, Clone Boy.

Kon dutifully handed it over, laughing.

What, his bestie was witty okay? A lot of the time, he gave it right back, but sometimes he couldn't help but just laugh.

"Okay, coffee acquired, the inaugural quip of the night has been said," Kon said, gesturing graciously at Tim. "Can we go and kick some butt now? Just point me at who to punch. I'll even punch them how you tell me to."

Very gracious of him, wasn't it? Instead of him just, you know, thoughtlessly barging in and causing property damage that Batman would scowl extra hard at (instead of his usual scowl). He'd even listen to Tim telling him how to punch things. See? He could be a good superhero guest.

"All right." She takes a few long sips before rolling her shoulders and plotting out how she can incorporate him into her patrol without drawing the ire of Bruce.

She points her bo staff forward dramatically in the direction they should be headed next. "My armor, my sword - more misadventures!"

Yes, she did just cast him as Sancho. Yes, she did also just steal one of Sancho's lines.

Kon had no idea what that was from but he was fairly sure, just from the look on her face, that he'd just been cast as the sidekick. It was something he just instinctually knew, deep down inside.

Mostly because in a situation like this, they were both going to be jerks to each other and pretend the other was their sidekick.

"I don't know what you're quoting, but as a precautionary measure, I'm saying it right up fronn: I'm not the sidekick. We are crimefighting partners. There are no sidekicks tonight. Nooo sidekicks."

He took to the air, planning on flying alongside Tim as she swung on her ziplines, like he'd done in times past.

"And if there were a sidekick, it definitely wouldn't be me." He suddenly smirked, remembering something from what now seemed like forever ago. "...'Lil chum."

For a moment, her thoughts are basically one big groan of oh god no, we are not doing that again.

Then she jumps tacks abruptly. "All right, then, Batman. What's first on the agenda?"

"We'll do what we do every night, lil' chum!" he said in his usual stupid, overdramatic impression of Batman (where did he even get it from?). "Unearth the dastardly detritus on the forest floor of evil and expose it to the light of day!"

He pointed ahead with his hand, pretending he was holding a grappling hook shooter like Tim and made a "kch-chkoosh" noise with his mouth like he was shooting a line to a nearby building.

Then he started flying in a way that made it look as if he was swinging from an imaginary grappling line.

"Whoosh! Batman, awaaaaay!"

Edited 2015-07-08 05:30 (UTC)

In the ensuing couple nights, Gotham seems to be holding back on the crazy, which Tim appreciates. Having a Kryptonian helping her out is nice, too, although she's careful to keep him out of the limelight as much as possible, partly to avoid Bruce hearing about it and partly so she has some surprise if they do come up against someone and she needs the surprise.

For now, they just have to deal with Firefly - Garfield Lynns, pyromaniac. He wears a full-body suit, partly for protection from his own fires and partly to cover the massive scar tissue that covers most of his body after getting caught in an explosion that he himself set off. A little hard to empathize with that.

He's set up several fires to go off in certain set locations, which would probably be a bigger problem if she didn't have a Kryptonian up her sleeve. "I'm going to need you to retrieve most of the incendiary devices once I found out where they are." With some good, old-fashioned scaring-the-shit-out-of-the-bad-guy chatting.

Kon nodded.

"And if anything does go up I'll just put it out with super breath."

So far he was kind of enjoying all this secrecy stuff. Hanging back and then bounding in when they thought they were going against Tim alone was pretty hilarious. Metas that were heavy hitters didn't frequent Gotham often, mostly because Batman wasn't too keen on it, so they weren't typically expecting anyone with powers - let alone a super - to come barging in ruining their plans.

So far the looks on some of the villains' faces when they'd seen the "S" had been priceless.

Edited 2015-07-10 06:05 (UTC)

Actually catching Lynns is harder than she anticipated, mostly because he's gotten himself a flamethrower and she's trying not to let him set off any additional, unanticipated fires while also not getting burnt (thank god for the almost full coverage in the Red Robin suit - she doesn't have to worry about much in the way of bare skin like she did as Robin).

Once she does have him, she gets the locations out of him by threatening to throw him off a roof, a tried-and-true method that always seems to work despite the fact that no Bat - all right, Jason excepted - has ever actually followed through. Hard to reason through it when you're concerned you're going to be the exception to the rule, probably.

Now it's Kon's turn. "Time for you to stop slacking and earn your keep," she says, because she has to entertain herself somehow on patrol.

"Slacking? Slacking?" He narrowed his eyes as he looked over the locations that Tim had sent to him.

With a whoosh he was off, zipping to each location and dismantling the incendiary bombs with his teke and his superspeed. He did it so fast they didn't have time to go off.

Then he finally flew to meet up with Tim where she stood on the roof with the trussed up Firefly.

He gently twirled the many dismantled bomb parts around in his teke field.

"How's this for slacking?"

"Aw, no fair, bringing in one of the supers," Firefly groused.

Kon rolled his eyes. "'Baaaw, I got my butt extra kicked instead of just kicked tonight, boo hoo hoo.'"

Julian Day is the next criminal of note to come across their radar. It's November 5th, which means it's pathetically easy to figure out he plans to bomb City Hall while the Mayor is on the grounds. Practically all they have to do is sweep the place to make sure nothing's already there, then stake out and wait for him to show up.

"Do you think he realizes Guy Fawkes is famous for failing at this?" she asks Kon idly without taking her eyes off the camera feeds Oracle's giving them.

"Maybe it's one of those things where you get really annoyed that someone else messed up the first time and you want to do it better," said Kon. He paused. "But probably not."

Lots of villains weren't very bright. For every Lex Luthor there was a Crazy Quilt.

"Man, this guy can't even fail at his own evil plot. He's gonna fail a failed one. Fail squared. Why pull this one when you could use 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, gather a goons squad of buccaneers, hold people up for their valuables, and try to pull off being as good-looking as Johnny Depp for a day via super-effective use of costume and makeup?"

She shrugs up a shoulder. "We still haven't really figured out if he picks holidays as a gimmick or just has a compulsion to commit crimes based on the date. Maybe he noticed it was almost the fifth and had to commit a crime instead of marathon-reading V for Vendetta or something."

You know, like a normal person!

"I dunno, even if I was nutso crazy, I'd at least try to hold out until National Donut Day," Kon said. "So I could make my crime tragically delicious."

God, he was bored. So bored.

Where was the gunpowder, treason, and plot? He wanted to get to the fun part.

"Instead he picks the day English people used to officially hate on the pope."

Edited 2015-07-14 05:40 (UTC)

Patience, Kon. The patient Robin gets the criminal.

And she snorts quietly. "What crime would you commit on National Donut Day? Steal all the donuts in the city?"

"Eat all the donuts in the city. Stomach of steel right here," he said patting his stomach, "and a fast metabolism."

Even if it wasn't speedster fast. "So I'd steal 'em all and everyone would be tragically donut-less and I'd make it so nobody could get them back."

That was a way better plan than blowing shit up.

Kon paused as he sat there.

"Now I'm making myself hungry. Did you bring any bat-snacks in your utility belt?"

Edited 2015-07-18 04:23 (UTC)

"If I ever switch careers and go criminal, I'll outsource all my baked goods crimes to you."

She squints for a second at the guy who's just walking up to the building. "All right, that's him."

"I'll steal all the cakes," said Kon, standing up to crouch on the roof. "Forty cakes. It'll be terrible."

Why forty? Who knew. It just came into his head.

He looked to Tim, waiting for his cue to jump in and go after the guy. So far, that'd been his way of not messing it all up. He was pretty proud of his self-restraint, truth be told. Following very basic instructions was something he'd once found challenging in the past.

"It'll be legendary," she agrees before holding up a hand to let him know to stay where he is until she signals otherwise. Ideally, she'd like to just take Julian in on her own. She just has to separate him from his explosives first.

She does try to convince him to stop this plan himself, since he hasn't event set off any explosives, but partway through the conversation her commlink crackles into life and she gets a message from Oracle that Jervis Tetch is active and has apparently kidnapped several people and retreated to a small abandoned amusement park, because of course he has. Tim abruptly stops negotiating and just knocks Julian out. She stays just long enough to make sure the police get him and his explosive before heading back to Kon.

"All right, the Mad Hatter's out and kidnapping people. We need to deal with him."

"Aw, you didn't save any for me," Kon said, frowning down at where the police were bringing Day in. "But fiiiine, let's get with the finding people."

He pointed a finger at his ear.

"Want me to listen for them? If you can get me a sound byte on Mad Hatter or one of the victims I can see if I can hear them somewhere in the city. Unless you already know where they are."

He'd found Tim that way once and he was getting good with all his secondary powers. One thing Kal always emphasized was that there was more to the hero thing than just punching things. When Kon asked him for help on how to use all the "add-ons," Kal had made it clear how useful they could be in finding the people that needed help.

Edited 2015-12-28 05:31 (UTC)

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[psl] Tim and Kon's Excellent Adventure

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I figure Tim prefers "he" while she's in costume, but let me know if I should fix it

yeah probably either would work.

Re: yeah probably either would work.

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