"Yeah. Yeah, we could do that. I don't think I'll need to with you, but it can help having someone pulling you back a step when you're losing your head a little and helping you deal with it. Sensei always -"

He stopped and had to hold that pause for a moment in the way someone did when the reality of loss set in, when they went through life and found each and every new way that there was a hole there where something important had once been.

Sensei'd always helped him with his anger, whether it was with stern, well-deserved reproach, calm wisdom, or listening with that Look.

He'd always had that look of understanding - and love. It was the kind of thing someone could feel like a monster over, but Raph had always known that his father had never seen him that way. He'd always just seen him as a son, struggling, and never once had Raph felt like anything he said or did came from anyplace other than a place of love.

He kept looking at the floor, eyes going glassy.

"Uh." His voice was a little thick but he cleared his throat. "My brother Leo's good about calling me on it, too, but he's not here. And Mikey's always been a little too forgiving."

His voice had been steady there, right? Steady enough.