Maybe that was true. Sensei had never treated him like he was a monster. Sensei even said he'd been similar when he was younger.
And he'd settled, hadn't he? With a family, even. Twice over. He'd become a quiet, gentle man with an impish sense of humor and boundless self-control.
It scared him, thinking about what might happen if things changed, if their never-ending battles stopped, but maybe she was right. Maybe being scared of that, maybe not taking it as a given that he'd take all that out on innocent people meant something. Because he wouldn't right? There was no way he could ever go kicking people around that didn't deserve it. The fact he was worried about who he was and his place in the world came with the given that he would never be someone that hurt the wrong people for the wrong reasons.
Maybe he didn't have to feel all soppy empathy all over the place to be a good person. Maybe just having that little voice of "hey, it shouldn't be that easy for you to do that" was enough. If he was a little twisted, at least he (mostly) directed in the right directions.
"Maybe you're right. This place, whatever it is, it's - it's messing with our heads."
It was digging in deep, digging down to the fears that were far under the surface, in the places he wasn't usually conscious of. But now that those fears had been unearthed it meant they could be put to rest, too.
Where she touched him, the vines and roots started to shrivel and fall away, spreading away from her hands in a wave in a way that seemed less like her touch was killing them and more like they were rotting, parasitic things and her touch was something life-giving. They choked and died and healthy green flesh and hard shell appeared in their place.
He blinked once, twice, and his eyes faded back to their usual clear green. He was still staring into her eyes, not quite ready for the moment to end and the way he looked at her made it clear that yes, he did care what she thought of him, quite a bit.
"Nico, I - uh -"
He wanted to thank her, especially since she'd just seen some of his most intimate thoughts and fears and managed not to flinch or do anything but treat them with sensitivity, but he didn't know the words.
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And he'd settled, hadn't he? With a family, even. Twice over. He'd become a quiet, gentle man with an impish sense of humor and boundless self-control.
It scared him, thinking about what might happen if things changed, if their never-ending battles stopped, but maybe she was right. Maybe being scared of that, maybe not taking it as a given that he'd take all that out on innocent people meant something. Because he wouldn't right? There was no way he could ever go kicking people around that didn't deserve it. The fact he was worried about who he was and his place in the world came with the given that he would never be someone that hurt the wrong people for the wrong reasons.
Maybe he didn't have to feel all soppy empathy all over the place to be a good person. Maybe just having that little voice of "hey, it shouldn't be that easy for you to do that" was enough. If he was a little twisted, at least he (mostly) directed in the right directions.
"Maybe you're right. This place, whatever it is, it's - it's messing with our heads."
It was digging in deep, digging down to the fears that were far under the surface, in the places he wasn't usually conscious of. But now that those fears had been unearthed it meant they could be put to rest, too.
Where she touched him, the vines and roots started to shrivel and fall away, spreading away from her hands in a wave in a way that seemed less like her touch was killing them and more like they were rotting, parasitic things and her touch was something life-giving. They choked and died and healthy green flesh and hard shell appeared in their place.
He blinked once, twice, and his eyes faded back to their usual clear green. He was still staring into her eyes, not quite ready for the moment to end and the way he looked at her made it clear that yes, he did care what she thought of him, quite a bit.
"Nico, I - uh -"
He wanted to thank her, especially since she'd just seen some of his most intimate thoughts and fears and managed not to flinch or do anything but treat them with sensitivity, but he didn't know the words.