[LN] Dean can have firearms, but not nice things.

[iswayzedthatmother]

The motel that Dean went to sleep in was the same one he woke up in, until he walked outside.

For one thing, he'd gone to sleep at night, and knew he'd been asleep at least a full 8 hours. In defiance of this, the stars were still twinkling. This was doubly odd, because the motel he'd gone to sleep in had been on the outskirts of Chicago, under too much light pollution for any stars at all, but this motel was so far out of any town that the road leading up to it was unpaved.

"What the hell?"

Someone was playing a piss-poor game on him, and nobody ever played games on Dean Winchester for harmless fun. He reached into his coat for a weapon, and found a fully loaded sig sauer right where he'd . . . not actually put it the night before.

And yet there it was in his shoulder holster. Huh. Had he seriously slept with a loaded gun? It wouldn't be the first time, but seriously, how had he forgotten that the night before?

There was no real time to look this gift horse in the mouth, so Dean kept the muzzle of the firearm to the ground as he looked around for a trace of movement, any clue as to what he was not currently doing adjacent to a major city.

Comments

[othersdestructive]

"You wanna do this the hard way? Fine. We'll do it the hard way. If you know me from whatever sick cartoon you were watching unsupervised as a kid, then you know much I like the hard way."

His voice came from somewhere else.

"You've got five seconds to drop the gun or I'm using your skull as a set of bongos and dragging you back unconscious. Five..."

Now from another place in the eaves above.

"Four..."

Now from everywhere at once, somehow.

"Three..."

[iswayzedthatmother]

Dean Winchester acted on instinct as often as not, instincts honed by a life that had been a battle since he was a child.

Right now, his instincts were telling him to reach back into his jacket, and pull out the sawed-off shotgun that was digging into his ribs.

The sawed-off shotgun that hadn't been there when he walked out of the falling-down motel, that sure hadn't been there when he went to sleep in Chicago, because it had been in the trunk of the Impala.

But now, with a . . . with a something in the form of a Ninja Turtle that seemed to be able to teleport (or throw his voice) counting down to an attack, he felt the second firearm burning a hole in his jacket and reached.

The night exploded with gunshots as he fired the Sig and the sawed-off Remington into opposite directions into the darkness, spinning and varying his height as he charged for the trees, looking for his own cover.

The so-called Ninja Turtle might drag him somewhere, but he wouldn't be going voluntarily.

Or, he realized - as he felt knives, grenades, and - yup, another Sig jostling in his jacket as he ran - without a fight.

[othersdestructive]

It was okay that he cut him off at three, really it was, because Raph was planning on attacking right before two anyway. Which he did, careful to dodge out of the way the man was shooting in the near-dark.

He couldn't let him gain an advantage by getting into a darker place in the woods, though, or else they wouldn't be able to see each other. If he couldn't see the guy, he might luck out and a wild shot might actually hit him.

Kicking a branch into some bushes to make a rustle in a direction he wasn't attacking from, be he leaped out through some bushes (that camouflage training in the woods outside the farmhouse? so worth the investment) and attacked, using his sais to try to twist the shotgun out of Dean's hands.

"Just had to choose the hard way, didn't you."

[iswayzedthatmother]

"There is no other way."

The shotgun went flying, and Dean had no idea how to fight someone with sai, except to get away from them. But Raph had twisted his other hand up and Dean needed to get some distance between himself and the turtle.

He grabbed the grenade, ripped the pin out with his teeth, and held it up for the turtle to see, grinning in the darkness with the pin still in his teeth.

[othersdestructive]

"Oh, you sonova -"

Time to dive back into the dark for cover.

Away from the ASSHOLE. Because this guy was an ASSHOLE.

[iswayzedthatmother]

Dean chucked the grenade in Raph's direction, ducking around a tree as it exploded.

"Language, young . . . person," he admonished, as he reached into his jacket and pulled out . . . wow yes that was actually a full M16.

Where was it all hiding? Well whatever was going on with his jacket, Dean liked it. He sprayed bullets in an arc into the darkness.

Definitely an asshole.

[othersdestructive]

The grenade blast knocked Raph off his feet. He felt a sudden piercing pain in his left upper arm, something that made him let out a noise that was half-indignant screech, half-growl as he felt the shrapnel stuck in the flesh there.

That no good rotten - he was going to stick his sais right up his -

Raph heard the sound of another gun being cocked.

He didn't have time to yell over his injury because all of a sudden the man was spraying bullets all over the place. He dove and took refuge behind a particularly large, thick tree as wood splintered around him from the gunfire.

"Where are you even getting all these guns from?!" he screamed out into the darkness. "Are you even a person or are you the living embodiment of an NRA convention?"

He hated guns. Laser guns, gun guns, it didn't matter. Guns sucked when you were trained in weaponry that hadn't been the height of technology since feudal Japan.

[iswayzedthatmother]

"Sure you don't wanna come out and say hello to my little friend?" Dean shouted back, as he emptied his magazine and ducked behind a tree to reach into his jacket for a new magazine. Sure enough, one was right under his fingers as soon as he reached in.

This was right in line with his vague memories of the 80's cartoon, with Raphael as the perpetual deliverer of snark, but the 80's cartoon was kiddie camp and this guy was legit, even if he was a thoughtform or a tulpa, he had ninja skills that could end Dean's life if he didn't continue going all out in his defensive assault.

Try and take him anywhere, will you. Try to earn his trust with just WORD of his brother.

Not a chance. Dean locked the magazine in and whirled around, listening in the darkness for the sound of . . . of ninjaing in the darkness.

[othersdestructive]

Raph could see him moving slightly away from the tree in the half-light. Since Raph was entirely in the shadows, the man couldn't see him.

If this guy wasn't going to play fair, he didn't have to either.

Besides, he was a ninja. Like sensei had always said, it wasn't about fair, it was about victory. It was about walking home at the end of the day.

Dean wasn't going to hear him ninja-ing because he didn't have to move through the dark on foot. Raph took out a smoke bomb and threw it down in the dark, picturing himself behind the man. Dean suddenly found himself enveloped in purple smoke and then the handle of a sai cracked into his head, hard, from behind.

"Hello," he said sarcastically, the last thing Dean would hear as he lost consciousness.

[iswayzedthatmother]

"Motherf-"

Dean had just a brief moment to finish the curse in his head before he blacked out.

[othersdestructive]

Raph worked quickly, patting Dean down for more guns. For lots of guns. There were way too many guns. And clips. And guns.

(And who carried around a grenade? What the heck?!)

"You, sir, are one sick cookie," he muttered to the unconscious Dean as he reached into a little pouch at his belt and took out some zip ties, using them to tie Dean's feet together and to fasten his hands behind his back.

Then he pulled out the snow globe from the pouch, muttered, "The Pole" into it, looked at the image of Santa's Workshop shimmering into view, and threw it.

As the portal opened up, he looked over at Dean, prone on the forest floor, and looked thoughtful for a moment. Then he looked at the shrapnel in his arm and looked more thoughtful. Then he looked back at Dean, walked over, and kicked him sharply in the side. Once. Not hard enough to break anything but hard enough he'd be feeling it when he woke up.

Satisfied, he hefted the man up with his uninjured arm and tossed him over his shoulder - not an easy task despite his strength since the man was ridiculously tall in comparison to Raph.

"You are so lucky I'm not leaving you here to get eaten, you jerk," he said to the unconscious man, walking through the portal.

[iswayzedthatmother]

Dean just groaned in response, still unconscious, but returning to awareness much faster than usual, due to his new myth powers kicking in.

It didn't stop his side from hurting, or his head, though the worst of that was yet to hit him.

[othersdestructive]

As soon as he was through, Raph dumped Dean unceremoniously to the floor on his stomach. He waved down the nearest yeti. "If the library nerd is back, can you tell him the Man in the Moon said his brother was here and that I went out and got him for him while he was out? And also that his brother is a paranoid jerk, but he probably already knows that."

The yeti pointed to Raph's arm, making a concerned "blarghiwogita" noise.

"Oh yeah, also I maybe need a first aid kit or something." He was kinda bleeding on the floor here.

[iswayzedthatmother]

What the - what the friggin' hell? Was that a yeti? Maybe? Dean wasn't sure.

It was the first thing he saw, though, when he came into consciousness, the second being his surroundings as his vision sharpened back into focus.

If he didn't know any better, he would have sworn he was in Santa's Workshop. No, between the Christmassy decor, the elves scampering around (actual friggin' elves), and the smell of gingerbread and fruitcake, Dean was absolutely sure he was in some iteration of Santa's Workshop.

"You psychopathic piece of shit, what the hell did you bring me here for?"

Dean thrashed against his zip-ties, eyes wide with terror as he looked around for the Big Man himself. Any minute now Mr. and Mrs. Claus would emerge from the tinselly shadows to start carving him for Christmas dinner. Where was a cedar stake when you needed one?

[bestnamer]

"Hey Raph, who's the swear-y guy?"

Mikey had already started trotting over when the portal opened, and now he stepped lightly over the squirming Dean to get to Raph's side.

"Dude, did you go get a new guy by yourself?" Mikey gave his bother as disapproving a frown as he could manage. "Yo man, you know we're on the buddy system here. Where was your buddy this whole time? Your buddy was here. Because I'm your buddy. We went over this."

Mikey's expression rapidly turned to concern though as he noticed the enlarging pool of blood dripping from Raph's arm. "Oh man, Raph, you're bleeding! Like, a lot!"

[othersdestructive]

"He's the brother of that moosey tall guy that's always in the library. And I got him, didn't I? I was fine, it was a one person job."

Really, he'd just...wanted Mikey to have a little break after the government lab thing, that was all. He'd been running around playing with the elves and all that and Raph just thought it was a good to let him maybe play for a little while longer. After all that. He and Mikey'd be going out to fight fearlings and baddies soon enough. No need to rush it.

Especially since he maybe didn't want him to come into conctact with the Trunchbull and Bloody Mary and that creepy guy again. At least not so soon. There was a chance they'd have shown up for crazy gun guy, too.

"I brought one of those snowglobes, it was fine." Other than, you know, the shrapnel in his arm. Which he gestured at "And this is nothing. It looks way worse than it is."

[fromfryingpantofire]

It hadn't been much of a mission, honestly. Mostly research and trying to track down a particular myth that, for the moment, seemed to be in the wind. It was frustrating, but Sam hadn't run into anything that he couldn't handle. Which, for the moment, he's counting as a win.

As the snowglobe deposits him back at the Pole, Sam can practically feel that something's changed. He's just set the globe back in place when one of the Yetis approaches, getting his attention and pointing to another section of the workshop. "Something needs my attention?" he asks, starting to walk that direction.

It's not until he hears his brother's voice, though, that Sam realizes just WHAT needs his attention. "Dean!" Sam breaks away from the Yeti, long legs eating up the distance. He glances up to the turtles (okay, yes, there are ninja turtles here and he's gotten used to this stuff), then drops down to Dean's side.

[iswayzedthatmother]

"Sammy!"

The relief that flooded through Dean seeing his brother, alive, uneaten, was short lived, because this could have been a decoy.

"Don't you come any closer, don't -"

He needed proof, needed a question. He asked the first question that jumped into his head.

"Who's my favorite Hologram?"

There were far too many 80's cartoon references floating around in his head right now. Dean realized with a sinking feeling that he'd just admitted in front of people not Sam that he even had a favorite Hologram (and it wasn't Jem).

[othersdestructive]

"Geez, would you stop with the paranoia already?" Raph said, rolling his eyes and sitting down on one of the nearby chair, prodding at the shrapnel, trying to figure out how to get it out. "And that's coming from me."

Seriously, dude.

He looked at Sam, and gestured at Dean with his good arm. "Here I was trying to save him before the fearlings showed up and he was shooting at me! And who in their right mind carries around grenades?"

[bestnamer]

"Do you need a band-aid? I found ninja band-aids the other day. How cool is that? Santa gives kids ninja band aids here!"

Mikey had learned enough field medicine from Master Splinter that he knew the wound left by the shrapnel would need more than a band-aid, but hey, they could always put the band-aid on top of all the other bandages. He reached slowly for the shrapnel with one finger, intending to poke it.

[mywarrenmyrules]

"Who's bleeding?"

Bunny caught the smell of blood from across the workshop and bounded over immediately. He paused to inspect Dean, though by the time he'd gotten close he'd identified the blood as Raphael's - turtle mutant blood had a slightly different scent from regular, even mythic human.

He snapped his gaze to Raph, giving him the big-brother-myth frown he'd had centuries to practice even as he loped over and started inspecting the shrapnel wound. "Wha'jda do?"

[fromfryingpantofire]

"Did I forget to renew the instructions that, if my brother shows up, wait for me before going to get him?" Sam sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose before shaking his head at Raphael. "No, no, it's okay. You have no idea what our world is like. The paranoia is actually justified."

Though his brother DOES tend to make an art of it.

Dean's question gets a look and raised eyebrows before he rolls his eyes. "Aja." Because Sam knows where that Busty Asian Beauties thing came from, Dean.

[iswayzedthatmother]

It WAS Sam. Not-dead Sam. Oh what a relief.

He still could have been demonic, though, and Dean wished he had holy water on him, for when they untied him. He'd had a flask stashed in the Impala's glove compartment.

Just as he thought it, he felt the cool of the chrome flask against his hip.

It was starting to occur to Dean that his jacket was possibly enchanted, or he'd developed a really great superpower, and that superpower was being able to pull guns that shouldn't fit into his shirt out of his shirt. It seemed that extended to other tools against evil as well.

But this wasn't evil, this was . . . Santa's workshop, the Santa's workshop in children's books and TV claymation specials, not a butchered human corpse in sight. This was Ninja Frickin' Turtles, and now a . . . giant Australian rabbit what the hell?

"Sam, there are ninja turtles."

Dean paused, racking his brains, trying to figure out how there could actually fucking be Ninja Turtles.

"Sam, why are there Ninja Turtles? And what the hell is Harvey over there?"

[othersdestructive]

"I didn't do anything other than bring this idiot back before he got eaten," Raph insisted petulantly at Bunny, wincing as he prodded at the shrapnel. "It was fine and I didn't need any help. Those wacko evil myths didn't show up again and even if they did, I was ready for them this time."

Aside from wanting to let Mikey just...be for today, it was now abundantly clear why he'd handled it on his own.

Because he was a stupid teenager that felt the need to prove to himself that he wasn't so terrified that he couldn't go out there again. The business with the weirdo Bond villain and Bloody Mary and the government lab had been terrifying and he'd wanted to prove to himself he was tough enough to handle it. That all the fear and awfulness had been a one time thing that he wasn't afraid of.

And he'd wanted to do that because he was an impetuous idiot tough guy as some teenagers were wont to be.

"And the reason Mikey and I are here is because of what I already told you. This world has tv and movies with all of us in it as fiction and it's so messed up from this evil dark god thing that it's pulling people from worlds where we're all real. If you'd actually listened to me instead of pulling gun after gun out of your a-- OW!"

He yanked his arm away from Bunny - who'd yanked the shrapnel out and was rummaging through a first aid kit one of the yetis had brought over.

"A little warning would've been nice!"

[mywarrenmyrules]

"Yeah, and a little self-preservation would be nice from you. Did you just will yourself to forget who found you last time you were out on your own? And you weren't even on your own then, you had your brother for backup and you still got blindsided. Do you think Project Prometheus and that Benedict bloke are the only surprises waiting out there for ya? Mate, I've been around CENTURIES and this Kuk business still surprises me. Are you 15 or 16? Had you even fought a single myth before you came here? Is that even part of your skillset?"

Bunny's diatribe did not stop as he cleaned Raphael's wound, maybe a little less gently than he could have if he wasn't irritated. Still, there wasn't so much anger in his lecture as frustration.

"I hope this gallah here taught you a lesson." He threw a glance at Dean over his shoulder. "Bunnymund. The Easter Bunny," he corrected, raising his eyebrows, his daring Dean to question him as the Guardians' translation magic imbued his title with its layers of meaning. "G'day t'you too, mate."

He turned back to Raph and fastened the bandage in place. "Isn't your father back home also your sensei? What would he say if he knew about this? I wish I knew what it was, because I'd really like to say it."

He stepped back from the bandaged Raph, crossing his arms, frowning deeply.